By the Time You Read This
by Gatorgirl1999
Summary: Allison didn't leave a note. She left a journal. Filled with Memories. Love. And Sadness. A piece of herself... and a piece of her broken heart.
1. The Choice

**Chapter One:**

**(Introduction)**

**The Choice**

Dearest Hannah,

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. For leaving. I didn't want to leave you alone in this evil world. But what choice did I have? It became too much. And I have something important to tell you. I love you. You were my sister… my soul mate. The second piece of me. I know you'll be mad. Or maybe you'll be sad. Or frustrated. And I'm so sorry.

This was my choice. And I want you to know this: It was NOT your fault. You had nothing to do with this decision. I had my reasons for making this choice. And I wrote this… these letters to show you my feelings. Every pained memory I hid from you. Because I know you deserve at least that. I want you to move on; I really do.

I want you to find happiness and joy and to find your true love. Because I know I did. And he broke my heart. But you were there to put it back together. But no matter how many times you mended my broken heart… the scar of my pained life will remain there forever. Even after I've died. I have lived so little. And I want you to live life to its fullest. I know you deserve it.

Forever,

Allison.

**A/N: Another story. This makes twelve. But I had to write this. I just had to. **


	2. The Present

**Disclaimer- I don't and will never own Hold still or its ideas/plots.**

**A/N: Here's chapter two of the story. I hope you like it ^ ^ Enjoy~**

**Chapter Two**

**The Present. **

**By: Gatorgirl1999**

It was September 14th. It was a normal day. The sun was shining and it was somewhat cool, the breeze blowing gently, causing the trees to sway. I looked up at the sun and squinted my eyes. _Why is the sun so bright during fall anyway? _I skipped on the curb, my gaze up at the sky. Today was Allison's birthday. She was turning 15 today. She didn't know I was coming over at the moment, it was a surprise. I held her small gift close to my chest as I skipped along.

"_Don't you dare spend your money on me okay?"_

"_Okay okay. I won't buy you a gift. But you have to want something, it's your birthday!"_

"_I don't really need anything else. Promise me you won't get me anything."_

_I hesitated before answering. "Fine." I let out a quiet sigh._

I did promise her that I wouldn't give her a gift, but people only say that when they REALLY want something amazing. So I made sure to save up all my allowance so I could get her something extra special. But then I realized what would make her even happier. I technically wasn't breaking the rules. She said not to waste my money and I didn't. Making a gift doesn't count, right? I knew she was going to like it. Allison loved to write. She loved to write more than anything else in the world.

"_Your stories are so amazing Allison." I told her, lying on her bed, my arms stretched out and clutching her notebook. _

"_They're not that good. There are a billion people way better than me." She said, resting her head next to me._

"_It's a lie. Yours are the best." _

_ She covered her face and muttered a 'whatever', but I could feel a smile growing on her face._

_ "Your writing's the most beautiful thing in the world."_

I was at her door.

I knocked.

"Allison?" I called.

"Coming!" She yelled from upstairs. I heard her footsteps and she swung the door open.

She looked at me.

"I thought I said not to spend your money on a present."

"Technically, I made it." I told her, walking past her and entering her house. I grinned. "Wanna open it?"

She looked at me with wonder and took the present from me. She shook it.

"What is it?" She asked, giving it another shake.

"Open it and see."

"I'm kinda scared." She said quietly.

"Nothing's gonna pop up in your face this time." I laughed. "I promise."

"You promised not to get me a present." She said slyly.

"How could I not? You know you wanted one. Just open it." I sighed. She stared at the gift and slowly opened it. She held the book in her hands and flipped through its pages little by little.

"How did you-?" She started, tears in her eyes.

"I used a program on the computer." I explained, smiling. "I knew you'd like it."

She continued to flip through the pages. I had used money, to buy a blank journal. But I used a special program to make it like a scrapbook, a journal already built with memories. Each page's corner had a picture. The cover was made and designed by me. She was able to use it for writing, and have the memories we've shared with it.

"It's perfect." She whispered, bringing it to her chest. It's moments like these, were we forget everything. We forgot our wants, our needs, everything. And we will do anything to make someone happy. Maybe we'll give them the last cookie, we'll clean up a mess they made. Or maybe we'll just stand by them, because it may be what they needed all along. "Thank you."

**~Hold Still~**

"Hey. Whatcha writing?" I asked, trying to take a peep at the journal I gave Allison a couple of weeks ago.

"Nothing." She said, burying it in her chest.

"Why won't you show me? You always share your stories with me." I said.

"It's not a story." She answered quietly.

"Oh."

Allison never kept secrets. What was she writing?

"It's something really important." She started slowly.

"Are you gonna show me it?"

"I will." My face lit up. "When I'm finished."

"Why not now?" I pouted, leaning a bit in the rollie chair I was sitting in.

"Because." She said softly.

"Whatever." I muttered, falling out of my chair. "Oww!"

"Karma." Allison said simply.

**~Hold Still~**

_Death. It's scary. It's sometimes unpredictable. It tears people apart. And sometimes it brings people closer together…_

**~Hold Still~**

"I'm borreeeddd…" I sighed.

"Why don't you go hang out with Allison?" My mother suggested.

"I don't want to." I muttered.

"Since when? You practically live at her house." My mom said, thumbing the dough she had in her hands.

"Since now. What are you making?" I asked her, playing with my curly red hair.

"Pizza." She told me. "Did you guys get in a fight?"

"No. She's just being stupid." I said, tapping the counter furiously.

"What's it about this time?" She sighed.

"Nothing." I rolled my eyes and turned my head away.

"I think you should go see her." She sighed, putting sauce over the dough.

"I don't want to."

"Go. And fix whatever you got yourself into."

"Allison started it." I groaned.

"Go." She demanded.

"Fine, fine. I'll go." I gave in.

"Good girl. Make it quick, I need you back in time for dinner."

"Whatever."

**~Hold Still~**

"Allison?" I called, knocking on the door. No answer. I know her parents are always at work and we're fighting, but she should at least hear what I have to say. "Allison? I need to talk to you!" Still no answer. I stood there for a moment. Is she not home? No. She's always home. I bent down and got the hidden key from under the mat and unlocked the door. A blast of warm hair hit my face when I entered the house.

"Allison?"

The lights in the house were still on. I put the key in my pocket and looked around the while bottom floor. No one. "Alliiiisooonn? I called again, holding on to her name. She was either hiding from me or asleep because I knew she was in the house. I could feel her.

"Allison." I said again. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean it. Can we please talk about this?" Still no answer. I was getting frustrated, but I managed to keep myself calm. I looked in the kitchen. On the table was a salad. Allison's salad. Lettece, tomatoes, cheese, onions, red peppers, cucumber, smothered with jalenpo ranch.

_Why didn't she finish it? _Next to it was her phone. I picked it up and looked at it. 10 missed calls from her mom. _Is she avoiding her parents?_

I walked by the stairs, hearing a faint noise. Allison's playlist. Allison had a playlist for every mood she was in. But strangely, the one that was playing was happiness. A mistake. Allison never played the wrong playlist._ And why would she be happy after all the fighting we've been doing? _

I was scared. I knew something was wrong.

I slowly made my way up the stairs and turned to face her room.

The door was open. And there was Allison, her face into the floor and her hair covering her.

She didn't move.

"Allison?"

_She's asleep._

_She's asleep._

I told myself.

"A-allison? Hey… wake up." I walked over to her. "Allison!" I shook her limp body. I felt something wet on my finger tips. I was scared.

_She's asleep._

_She's asleep._

But I couldn't lie to myself.

She was dead.

"Allison!"

**A/N: Hope you guys liked the chapter. I'm like not used to writing like depressing stuff so… er sorry if it sucks. Review?**


	3. Born to Die

**Disclaimer- I don't and will never own Hold still or its ideas/plots.**

**A/N: Here's chapter three guys. I really hope you like it. I don't use the characters in the story but I use the situation and a similar plot. So please don't go 'this isn't even done the right way' or whatever, not that anyone has. I haven't even read the actual book. I read the summary and thought how amazing it would be to write a story with the same situation :) Enjoy~**

**Chapter Three-**

**Born to Die.**

**By: Gatorgirl1999**

_Allison. Allison, Allison, Allison!_

"WAKE UP ALLISON!" I screamed, shaking her limp body furiously, tears pouring down my face.

"WAKE-UP. Wake up, wake up…" I sobbed. "Allison… you have to open your eyes."

The tears wouldn't stop coming. An endless pool of tears continued to pour from my eyes as I tried and tried to bring her back.

"Why would you do this? ALLISON!" I dropped her body to the floor. "Allison…?" The tears were sticking to my face, my eyes burning. I stared her body, crying. And I went into a state of unreal calm. There was too much to feel, too much to see. My body wouldn't move. I could do nothing but sit there. I could barely breathe.

"Allison…" I whispered, letting out a choked sob. "Why would you do this?"

**~Hold Still~**

Allison killed herself exactly two months after her birthday. I cried. I kept to myself. I blocked everything in the world around me out. In my world, Allison wasn't dead. She was just gone for a little while. I convinced myself that if I waited long enough, she would come back. She's just on a long trip.

**~Hold Still~**

It was a month after Allison… died. I was frustrated. I was mad. There had to be a reason. A note. Something. I was searching her room. I told our parents that I just needed some time in your room. I flipped over furniture… pillows. I looked in her desk and in her closet. I looked in her dresser. And then I found something. Behind the bed. There it was. It was a journal… jammed behind the back board. I cried at the sight of it. It was _her_ journal. The one I gave her. At first it felt wrong to look through it. But something inside me said she wouldn't mind. So I took it and opened it… flipping through the filled pages. I set back to page one. _To Hannah_. This was your note. This was your reason. I flipped the page.

_Dear Hannah,_

_You're amazing. Truly, you are. I am nothing like you. I'm plain, I'm ugly, I'm too smart… and I'm a no one. I still don't understand why you would want to be with someone like me. Someone so ordinary, so unimportant. Someone who can only stand out in a bad way. Someone who that could only feel pain and suffering. Someone who could only be ignored and made fun of. Someone like me. It was impossible. To take these ugly words thrown at me each day._

'_You're so ugly.' _

'_You're fat.' _

'_No one loves you' _

'_Who would ever want to be with you?'_

_Every day of my life was hard. Every day, my heart would grow holes. And the holes grow so big, that I couldn't take it anymore. It was eating me away. I wanted to set free all my sadness, my hate and my frustration. I felt like exploding. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to fit in. What I wanted most was for people to like me. But that never happened. No one liked me. No one cared. No one will miss me. You asked if this was a story. I kind of lied. It is a story. But not one with a princess and prince. Not one with magic… or dreams. And not one with a happy ending. _

_Forever_,

Allison.

**A/N: The secret life of bees is an amazing movie. This movie inspired this chapter. I recommend it to everyone. It's so beautiful and sad. The scene where one of the characters died was what really started this story. I don't want to ruin it so I suggest you watch it :) I hope you liked this chapter. And yeah it's short. It's my story so whatever xD. Review?**


End file.
